Jealousy

Some times i struggle to form a normal convosation with parents with non special needs children
i get so frustrated and my brain trips over its self and almost have to coach myself to slow down and think woah hold up if i say that i may offend them when you want to yell " for the love of god shut up " especially when they all of a sudden become an expert on your child's condition .
the one thing mainly  i struggle with is jealousy when out and their children are behaving and mines flapping screaming singing being inappropriate has to be watched ever waking second needs to wear a harness is still in nappies i have to dress wash change and even put his shoes on . all the simple things they take for granted i wish for i know i have a two year old who is normal but i wish that my 6 year old could do 6 year old things . so i sit down and think to myself i'm being dramatic i'm over  analyzing this as  my child is awesome special and unique .
i think all special needs parent go through this stage where we sit back and check ourselves before we answer text messages or give advice when we are hanging on by a thread and others are asking for advice or help and your sucked dry have nothing to give so you avoid them just down right avoid them give one word answers and hide . when you see them out you smile and find an excuse to leave then when your feeling better they dont understand why you were avoiding them they assume you are a snob and refuse to hear your side of the bargin when really you assumed you were protecting them from your sleep deprived raft  of anger tears and nasty words you cant retract .
you loose friends all the time and start to rely on baby sitters just to go to a kids  party or a get together going places without your child just to avoid the stares or the ignorant people that laugh and talk about you while your in ear shot

we avoided kids parties for years for that very reason if friends wanted to catch up my mum would watch him i was scared to take my child to peoples houses let alone public places full of people .

i used to be a bubbly out going person now im wary of new  people and tend to assess people as i get to know them
i also tend to bang on about therapies and school and toileting and all sorts of things to get strange looks so i shut up and  go back into my shell  its that look of " ok we understand your child has issues now shut up and change the topic "

the other side of it is people that try and make out their life is 40 times harder then mine and im making everything up and im dramatic its people like them that make us mad its like a kick to the guts to be told by a so called mate you are being over dramatic when you are stating real life events

i have found regular friend culls are beneficial if you want to maintain some sort of balance

thanks for listening to my late night thoughts