those days you could gladly pack your bags and leave when your just so goddamn tired you would sell a limb for just one day so your brain could rest but it never happens never ever happens .
now the start to this year i swore i wouldnt be a hermit but like all things bad habits dont die easy like allways i stay home or just go to my mums to avoid being in public with one seriously angry 6 year old autism is so goddammn frustrating pretty much i have no life thanks to it the more i try and get out the more it holds me back
like sleep times like tonight hes refusing to sleep cause i put on the wrong movie we have arguing and screaming and all sorts of melt down going on taken him half hour to tell me the movie he wanted i only twigged last minute his speech hasn't progressed much i still guess allot of the time .
not that miss almost 3 doesn't give me a run for my money most nights i gather I'm run down run out and just not functioning on all cylinders school holidays have been so long i think i may celebrate when they are over
almost like i cant have fun any more cant drink more then a few cause if i do i think to myself " is this worth it when your kids get you up at 5am and its a bad day for Murray "
lately Murray has developed a blood curdling squeal and when hes not squealing hes sucking his fingers bowel training has gone so far backwards we are full time back in pull ups
he cant put his own shoes and socks on the whole " let him get dressed himself " didn't work he just doesn't get it
he cant even shower without assistance some days i think to myself I'm not strong I've been yelling crying seething wanting to punch holes in the wall my house looks like I've been robbed cant remember the last time i wasn't rushing from the toilet with my pants round my ankles yelling " please don't break that "
I'm also tired of being alone when its late at night and everyone else has that special someone and i just have who ever is on line that feels sorry for me and talks to me
i want a few more good days and allot less bad days
Blogging about my life and how i live it as a single tattooed mum of two kids one with special needs
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